I am shocked that I've left this blog for almost two years now without a post.
Two years ago, I decided that the end was necessary for this book and I wanted to move forward. I wanted it to be a legacy about having gone through the thing called 'cancer' and walk away a survivor and not look back.
Sadly, it never goes away and maybe that's best for the things in life that happen and take your breath away for years. Does it really ever come back?
After five years, I still search out bathrooms and where they are as I need them all of the time. This is due to the radiation damage I received although I'm one of the lucky ones having had benefit of IMRT radiation. For that, I am grateful.
I have no sexual desire to speak of and for that I am sad. I miss that part of my life but accept that actually having a life is more important. I remember crying that I would have no more children as my ovaries were radiated and yet today, being with and holding my son is way more important to me now and that makes me sad too.
Complaints will not come from my doing 20-30 stalls a day for the horses that I love although its' tough sometimes and yet I've chosen this life that I lead and being able to do what I do is a wonderful thing in my soul and the souls of the people around me.
Although I don't get check-ups anymore, I listen to my body and I wonder if she will fail me once more although I don't dwell on it often. I sometimes do though.
I am now considered cured as I'm made it past five years and yet the word will never come out of my mouth as I will never say it. It might jinx me.
Cancer has made me look deep inside of my soul and ultimately, I became a wonderful human being with love that I would never have seen if I never danced with 'cancer' and for that I am grateful.
I thought that the book had been written with my blog on my cancer treatment and tonight I saw that it needed at least one more entry.
The entry needed to be about being around after five years and having a wonderful life and being one of those that saw the edge and came back and instead of getting on with their lives, decided instead to empower at least one person to think that it could be done.
