A year and a lifetime later

I realized this morning that it has been OVER a year since I posted last to my blog. WOW

I also realized that about a year ago was when I met Fred and my life completely changed. heheh

Coincidence? probably not. :)

First off, cancer update.

No cancer in ass anymore. Hank has now vacated the building and I hope pretty much everyday that he does not EVER, EVER come back into my ass again....:) (yup, i'm still doing ass jokes almost 2 years after having had anal cancer)

January was my last 'check-me-up' and all is well.

It still amazes me though that having a finger up your ass and blood draws is pretty much enough to render you, 'cancer free' for another year. (unless I become symptomatic). YIKES

Walking into the cancer clinic is still a daunting task though. I still have trouble walking by all of the bald people hacking up lungs and wondering 'what' I did to get immediately over it and so far, not have it come back?

Am I a better person than they are? Probably not.

Did I do some great deed for someone that gave me a 'get out of jail free' card? Well, that I might have but doubt that it would warrant the blessing I received.

They say the only thing stopping you from realizing your dreams is faith and hope. I don't believe this anymore as I saw first-hand people in the clinic that you could plainly see as fighting like hell to stay in whatever life they had.

A year later, what have I learned from having cancer. (almost 2 years now in fact)

1. Be who you are and say what you feel. Those that matter won't mind and those that mind don't really matter. Profound but true.
2. Do everything you want to do today. Have a bit of faith in yourself and look around you and quietly think for a minute 'what if you don't have tomorrow?'
3. There is a siver-lining in every dark cloud in the sky. I can so attest to this.
4. Laugh and jump and hug people more. Be nicer to people you see. Say hi to make someone's day. Help someone out or at least offer to. Shut up and listen. If you are not listening, you are not learning.

Ok, now that I've done the 'profound' beadyism, an update on my life in point form.

What a difference a year makes.

1. I went from a single mom with 2 small kids to living on a big, 'kick-ass' acerage where all of the animals that I've ever wanted are happily grazing outside.
2. I went from dating 'smucks' to living with undoubtedly one of the nicest human beings one could ever have the opportunity to meet. (with full legal co-habitation agreement in place I might add. Gotta protect those kidlettes)
3. I went from a single mom to a step mom of 2 other kids. Can you say, 'busy?'
4. I went from a person whom everyone liked to a person Fred's ex would rather see dead. I find it so wrong that not being a 'crack-head' would warrant such loathing.

I choose to take the high road here though and just 'dream' about hollow-point bullets and kick-ass scopes on guns. Good Beady. Good Beady.
5. I go from having periods every month to having not had one in almost 2 years now. At first, it made me somewhat sad. Now, I barely think about it as I'm buying feminine hygiene products for my daughter.

My life is awesome.

The return from Oz was a journey I would not wish on 'anyone'. (even Atilla, the ex).

I will however say that if I could turn back the clock, I'm leave it alone and let it happen all over again. (ground hog day thing)

Why would I do this?

The key to 'getting' over things in our lives is the realization that the positives far out-weigh the negatives and the good wins everytime in all situations that we find ourselves in.

If I did not have cancer, I would not have met Freddy. If I never met Freddy, I would not have ostriches. If I did not have ostritches, I would never have realized how fascinating......you get the picture?

I beat cancer and in some small way, cancer also beat me.

It beat the pessimistic nature I had a little bit of a few years ago. It beat the self-doubt that I had a little bit of. It beat the 'what ifs' that I had coursing through my mind a long time ago.

Not many people get second chances. Most see the tires of the bus before becoming flattended.

That's it and then you're dead.

I went to the brink and stood on the edge and then finally backed away from the edge and am forever grateful for doing so.