Sometimes all you have to do is believe.

I'm getting a wee bit bored sitting at home on the 'clinical trial' money.

I sit making good money, doing nothing except being a great tool for some cancer centre to make a great deal of cash from. I've been told this and frankly don't have much to really say about it other than, "YIPPEEE....I get to live..."...Its quite simple really. I'm hardly stupid.

I have accepted this.

Some might say that this says awful things about me. I tend to disagree. I think one of my best qualities is wanting to do things that do it for 'me'.

Being an aquarian chick, I've always had these humanitarian, super-hero traits.

I cross streets to pet puppies and I always stop for people stranded on roads.

The psych. industry might say that I'm 'lacking in confidence'. I think not.

I just get my 'ju' (so to speak) from helping other people or other dogs or birds or goats or sheep.

The very first time I saved a litter of puppies that needed syringe feeds every 2 hours and they lived to see the day, I was incredibly and almost 'sucker-like' hooked.

Does she become the warped chick that ends up with 60 cats doing her rescue thing when she is 60 and blue-haired?

I decided to try a variance on that path and do my own thing.

Since I started this whole cancer journey, I have changed.

It wasn't an instant change. It took awhile evaluating where I was and what I wanted to become when I was all 'growned up.'

I have this need to do better by others. I'm not sure what to call it.

It was like waking up one day and feeling like you've 'done good' and you want to share it with others.

I was perusing the local paper today and came across a career ad that appealed to me and yet I did not possess the 5 years 'health-care' experience required.

The ad said that they were looking for an ideal applicant as one being someone who possessed the innate ability to solve stressful situations.

All applicants were invited to submit a resume outlining qualifications as well as describing a current stressful situation and how you handled it.

I was thinking all day about how I would be perfect for that type of position.

I had the skill-set but did not have the qualifications in terms of 'field experience'.

After about an hour, I sent them a resume outlining the fact that I had cancer and was getting it together after having done so but I wanted to do something different.

I went for an interview 3 hours later and spent 30 minutes giving them my 'story' and hearing their remarks.

Cancer hasn't done too wrong by me. I've worn it well and if people were to pick their cancer based on appearance, they'd probably pick the one that I was gifted with.

They loved me and thought that I would be awesome dealing with palliative care patients and end of life issues.

Which comes back to the question of , "Why Beady? Why do you want to deal with people who are stressing out? Why would that make you tick?

I did it. I have been in a completely utterly stressful situation and I survived.

This was the premise that I used to secure 2 job interviews and get invited to the 'psych. interview' requirement for the job.

Whether I get the job or not is irrelevant at this point.

I had an interview.

Obviously, what i had happen to me was worth the 5 years of experience I was supposed to have.

Maybe my story was enough.

Maybe my believing in 'myself' was enough to get me that job.

We shall see.