The return from Oz

It has become a nightly occurrence in my house to have a bubble bath.

During my cancer treatment, I literally lived in the bathtub finding relief from the radiation burns.

They say it takes 6 weeks of doing something to make it a habit and after being immersed in it for up to 5 hours a day for weeks on end, my habit was born.

Last night bathing with my son in the jacuzzi tub with overflowing bubbles, I happened to notice something.

My pubic hair is growing back !!

Its not my normal shade of blondy/red but like a peach-fuzz of sorts and I see tiny little hairs peeking through the skin. Its almost as if the hairs realize that there is no more radiation and they are seeing the glow from the sun for the first time in a long time.

This got me thinking about how 'fuzzy' in some ways this whole cancer experience has become.

Sure, I remember the radiation and I remember the gut-wrenching fear that I was experiencing but its as if the whole cancer show is retreating back somewhere inside me and finding a comfy place to call its new home.

I no longer get those episodes where I'd sit on the couch and bow my head almost crying. I'd have that feeling as if your stomach was right by your throat and you were going to puke at any second.

I realized yesterday that I hadn't had one is weeks and I hardly even noticed. How could I not notice this? I'd been waiting for them to go away for so long. Its as if life slowly comes back so gently and surely that you don't even get a chance to be afraid of it anymore.

My energy level is almost back to normal and I am shocked that I did not realize how sick I actually felt about 6 months ago before diagnosis. How could I not have known?

My days are now filled with getting used to a new career and fostering dogs and looking after my family and sometimes its as if I didn't even have cancer.

I will never forget how I felt nor will I ever forget the fact that I feel betrayed by my own body which I trusted explicitly only 6 months ago.

The door that I've emerged from is almost closed. There are a few things that still need to find their place in my mind but each day I find them less invasive and hardly beckoning for my attention.

Goodbye Oz and goodbye Dorothy.

You have taught me some very important lessons but the time has come to again seize my life back and relish in the newly sprouting pubic hair.

Spring is almost here and I see so many other doors in front of me that need some attention.